


Got to Get Out

by Emmybazy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 14:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1821778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmybazy/pseuds/Emmybazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum and Luke have been friends all their lives. Calum starts getting more and more opportunities to get out of town, so he takes them. Something is telling him he needs to leave town every time he settles. Luke is there through it all. </p>
<p>Or, Calum is always leaving and Luke always seems to be waiting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Got to Get Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> If anyone read my note at the end of Post Production, I'm still working on my chaptered fic but my sister and I came up with a bunch of one shot ideas I really liked so I'm working through those first.   
> Don't know how this happened exactly. This was suppose to be fluffy 5k but then it went all angst. So it's really not like anything else I've written and I hope it's not a waste of your time.   
> There's a smuttering (a smattering of smut, punny right?) in here but it's so bad that I shall never attempt again. I know we are all dying for some cake smut but God knows I'm not the on to write it. My sister agrees.   
> Speaking of, thanks to my lovely sister for editing my work even though she has exams. And she found my ipod so woot woot for that!   
> Hope you enjoy this, if not, don't hate me!

There are shoes on the path a little bit from the anthill. Calum doesn’t recognize the shoes. He knows everyone’s shoes. The girl across the street always wears bubblegum pink flip flops that fall off when they play tag in Calum’s back yard. The boy two doors down has the sneakers that light up when you jump. Calum’s really jealous of those sneakers, he wishes he had sneakers like that. He’d run around the house at night trying to make the sneaker’s light up, but he’d be super sneaky about it so his parents wouldn’t hear. Like a ninja. A ninja with light up shoes.

These shoes aren’t light up ones. They’re normal sneakers, kind of like Calum’s. Where Calum’s sneakers have red and black stripes on them in a swirly pattern, these shoes have different shades of blue lines wrapping around the sides. They have bright white bottoms, like they were just bought, that match the white socks sticking out the tops. It’s then Calum notices that there is a boy attached to the shoes.

Calum looks up and can’t really see the boy. His face is in the way of the sun, blocking the light from blinding Calum. The sun rays surround the boys hair and it makes his hair look like a giant shiny afro. The boys hair is blonde, golden, like the rays, but his eyes are downcast, a frown on his face. Calum doesn’t know why the boy is sad.

“Are you sad?”

The boy startles a bit and raises his eyes to meet Calum’s. He moves his hands from behind his back and holds them in front of his body and Calum can see a Spiderman watch on his wrist. Calum likes Spiderman.

“Yes.” The boy says quietly, lips pouted and brows furrowed.

“Why?” Calum asks. He stands, he can look at the ants whenever he accidentally spills grape juice on the ground, but he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to talk to this boy again. Maybe he needs saving! Maybe Calum will magically get super powers to help the boy!

“I don’t like our new house.” The boy sniffs and wipes his nose a bit with his hand. Calum thinks it’s kind of gross but he does it sometimes too so he tries not to let it bother him.

“What new house?” Calum asks. The boy points to the light blue house next to the girl across the street’s house. An older couple used to live there. They’d give out really good candy on halloween, the big bars, not the little candy pieces. But earlier this summer they’d taken everything out of the house and a big truck had come to take it away. Just a few days ago another truck had brought stuff back. Calum had thought they wanted to get their stuff cleaned, but he sees a younger woman on the porch, sitting in a chair that Calum’s never seen before. “That’s not your house.”

The boy looks sad for a second, then his eyes harden, “Yes it is. I have a room and everything.”

Calum doesn’t know exactly what happened and how the house is the boys now and not the older couple, but he decides not to fight. “It matches your shoes.”

The boy looks puzzled for a second, looks down at his shoes, and then, for the first time since Calum’s met him, he smiles. “You’re right! I didn’t think about that.”

“So you live there now?” The boy nods. “Will you go to the same school as me?”

The boys shrugs, “I don’t know, maybe.”

Calum smiles, “Cool! I’m Calum.”

The boy smiles back, “I’m Luke. Want to come see my new room?”

*****

“Luke!”

Calum’s really excited. He’s crazy excited, like standing under his best friend’s window and screaming excited. Today had been there last year of primary school and they are going to secondary school in the fall. Calum feels on top of the world because he’s just that little bit closer to being an adult.

Calum and Luke had just walked home together. After leaving Luke on the sidewalk in fornt of his house, Calum had rushed home. His mother had been waiting in the kitchen with cookies and good news that Calum felt the need to tell Luke immediately. But Luke must already be asleep or maybe he’s just ignoring Calum.

“Calum?” Luke peeks his head out his window, finally. “What?”

“Come down! I need to tell you something!” Calum yells up at Luke’s second story window from his spot in the side yard.

Luke rolls his eyes, “I just saw you. Why didn’t you tell me when we were walking home?”

Calum crosses his arms defensively, “My mom just told me. Come on Luke!”

Luke leaves the window and Calum can hear him running through the house, loud heavy steps for someone so small. Calum meets him in the old blue shed in the backyard that they had turned into a ground-tree house a few summers before, a place to store all their summer games and one of Calum’s old family couches. Calum had been planning to spend the entire summer within fifty feet of the old shed, but then his plans had just changed.

When Luke gets to the shed door, Calum is spread out over the sofa, taking as much of the space as he can. As guessed, Luke jumps on Calum, giggling, and tries to push him off onto the floor and the old purple carpet they’d found in Luke’s basement. Calum latches onto Luke so Luke will fall too, but Luke just stays, snuggling back into the couch and bringing Calum with him.

“What?” Luke asks, face only a few inches away. Luke has light blue eyes, the opposite of Calum’s dark ones. Sometimes he wonders if they see the world differently, like maybe Calum sees more dark colors while Luke sees everything brighter.

“You know that camp I wanted to go to?” Mikey at school had given Calum a brochure for a camp, saying it was really fun. Calum had showed his parents and they’d said they’d think about it. Calum had showed Luke the brochure but Luke didn’t want to go, he wanted to spend his summer at home. Calum had wanted them to go together, but he wasn’t going to force Luke when Calum probably wasn’t going to be able to go either.

Luke nods, smile fading from his face a bit. “Did your parents say yes?”

Calum nods quickly, “Yep! I leave in a week and a half, right after Christmas.”

Luke is frowning now, Calum hasn’t see Luke frown in a long time. “When do you get back?”

“I think the week before we go back to school? It’s nine weeks long! And Mikey says all the counselors are just uni kids and are really chill. It’ll be like an adult-less summer!” Calum’s arms are moving in between him and Luke, but rather than help convey his message, they push Calum and Luke farther away.

“Oh.” Luke turns his head so his face is buried in the arm of the couch but Calum doesn’t miss the down turned corners of his lips.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Luke mumbles into the plush floral print of the old couch.

“You’re not mad right? I told you to ask your parents, if they knew I was going they probably would’ve said yes.” Calum figures Luke must be jealous he gets to leave their little neighborhood. The farthest either of them have been from home was the time they both went to Luke’s grandmother’s house for a weekend, but it had only been an hour outside of Sydney and in a neighborhood just like theirs. Calum has recently started getting this itch under his skin, a longing to see other places and people. To see couches without floral patterns and skies that aren’t edged in the familiar trees in his backyard that he’s climbed a hundred times. Luke must be feeling that too, that wanting to go beyond their backyard fences.

“I don’t want to go.” Luke turns back to Calum but keeps his eyes following the seam between the bright petals. “Why do you even want to?”

“Well,” Why wouldn’t Calum want to go? “They have a lake, and a boat that you can go tubing on. I’ve never done that and I think it’d be fun. And no adults is cool. And girls and stuff.”

Luke raises his head a bit, puzzled expression settling on his face, “Girls?”

“Yeah, like practicing talking to them and stuff. For next year. Kissing and dating, stuff like that.” Calum shrugs. He thought that was pretty obvious. Calum had heard rumors that everyone dates in secondary. He’s never been interested in a girl before, but he’s hoping if he gets a bit of practice everything will click into place.

“Oh. Yeah, girls. That makes sense.” Luke finally looks at Calum. “I’m sure you’ll be great.” Luke still doesn’t look happy for Calum, his mouth pouted and eyes clouded over. Luke’s arms are crossed, pushing a few inches of space between them, instead of clasped around Calum’s back, their normal resting spot.

“Why aren’t you excited for me?” Calum asks, pushing Luke’s face to look at him and inching forward to be as close to Luke as he can.

“I am!” Luke insists a bit louder than is called for when you’re that close. Calum jumps a bit and Luke must feel bad about it. He takes a big breath and looks at Calum’s shoulder. “I’m just going to miss you.”

Oh. That...that makes sense and Calum feels dumb for not thinking about Luke. What is Luke going to do all summer? “I don’t have to go, I can stay here.” It pains him a bit to say, but he would. Luke comes first, always has, always will. Luke’s family.

Luke shakes his head. “No, you go. It’ll be good to have a summer without you.” Luke smirks a bit and Calum pouts through the smile threatening to break out on his face. He opts to tickle Luke instead, wanting to hear Luke giggle underneath him.

*****

_...and then we climbed this huge tree_ \- “Come on Calum!” It’s Mikey, standing in the cabin door, blocking the nice breeze that Calum gets when he sits at the end of his bunk.

“I’ll be there in a minute, I’m writing Luke a letter.” Calum holds up the yellow legal pad with the front page cramped with his writing. Luke and Calum had decided they’d write every week. So far Luke had been a lot better, sometimes writing twice a week, while Calum had missed once.

“Ok. We’re down by the lake. We found some frogs that we’re trying to catch with our bare hands!” Mikey holds up his hands as if Calum should be able to see the frog slime coating his palms. He doesn’t.  

“Cool! Just let me finish!” Calum says. Mikey waves and runs off. Calum really likes Mikey and is excited to have another best friend when he goes to secondary school. He turns back to Luke’s letter. _Got to go! People are catching frogs by the lake! If I catch one, I’ll name it after you. No one will be able to tell you apart! HA! See you in two weeks! Love Calum_

Calum carefully tears off the sheet and puts it in one of the envelopes he and Luke had sat down one day to write together, one for every week with different colored stamps on each one. Calum chooses the one with the purple flower on the stamp, also because this one has a smiley face in the upper corner that Luke drew, saying to send it on an especially good week.

Calum drops the envelope on the mail pile as he runs out the cabin door to where he can hear shouts and squeals down the trail.

*****

“Was it fun?” Luke is sitting against the back of the shed, curled up in himself with his arms wrapped around his knees, while Calum practices dribbling his football on the lawn. He thinks he’s going to tryout for the team this fall.

“Yeah! I wish you had been there though.” Calum looks up and sees Luke grinning  down at his knees.

“You probably had more fun without me.”

“No way. It would’ve been so cool if you had come. Will you come next year?”

Luke shakes his head. “I like it here.”

“Oh.” Calum has an entire school year to convince Luke to come with him next summer and he’s going to make the most of it.

*****

Calum texts Luke as soon as he gets out of the meeting with his coach. _go to the pitch!!!!!_

Calum knows that Luke is still hanging around the school grounds somewhere. They always walk home together and Calum had asked Luke to wait. When Calum’s football coach had asked him to stop by for a few minutes after school, Calum had expected they'd discuss something about him being captain next fall for his last year of secondary school. Calum had been wrong.

Calum is practicing penalty shots when he sees Luke come around the corner of the bleachers. Calum is still not used to Luke’s growth spurt. For as long as Calum can remember, he’s been a hair taller than Luke, but now Luke’s got a few inches on him plus his ridiculous quiff thing adds height. Calum likes it though, likes how Luke started dressing on the weekends when they’d go out with friends, all skinny jeans, band tees, and tongue wrapped around his lip ring. It’s like this person is what Luke was always meant to be, all the awkward years were just tests to get him to this.

Luke waves over to Calum and runs his hand through his hair, pushing it further up. Calum takes off at a sprint towards Luke, jumping and landing with his arms around Luke’s shoulders. Luke, as expected, falls over back onto the grass with a small ‘oof.’

“I got it! I got the spot in the program!” Calum is on all fours over Luke as Luke catches his breath. When Luke seems to process what Calum is saying, he grabs Calum around the waist in a hug and rolls them over, snuggling into Calum’s neck. Calum laughs as Luke’s hair mats in the sweat on his neck and tickles his chin.

“Calum! That’s amazing!” Luke is smiling against Calum’s chest. “You’ll do great.”

“You think?”

“Of course. When do you leave?”

“Uh...I think I miss the last week of school. We do training for 3 weeks then we compete for the rest of the summer.”

Calum can’t believe he got this. It’s a program that a bunch of the pro footballers from Australia went to, they can tell if you’ve 'got what it takes' apparently. Calum couldn’t believe it when his coach had told him. The sky above him is clear blue, a lot like Luke’s eyes, and Calum feels that itch start to settle under his skin. He’s getting out again, and this time he’ll be traveling all over the country for different matches.

“I get to go so many places for this Luke! And we spend a lot of our downtime touring the cities we stop at. It’s going to be amazing.”

Luke sits up and looks down at Calum, still sprawled out on the grass. “You have to send me postcards from everywhere you go.” Luke is smiling but Calum sees something in his eyes. It’s the look Luke gave Calum when Calum told him he was going away the summer he was twelve and then again when they were thirteen and Luke said he didn’t want to go. After that, Calum had spent his summers home just to avoid this look.

“Definitely. And we’ll still text and call all the time, it’ll be like I’m here too.”

Luke nods, gaze still guarded as he plays with his nail beds.

They have a few hours until they have to be home, so they stay and play one on one for a while. They end up in a pile under a tree in the shade, laughing about Luke still needing to grow into his limbs more. They pass around a water bottle and it feels like any other day, except Calum’s leaving in a little under a month’s time.  

“Hey Cal?” Luke’s sprawled out on the ground while Calum is leaning up against the tree, watching a squirrel or chipmunk or some other small woodland creature run around the branches.

“Hmm?”

“I can talk to you about stuff right?” Luke opens his eyes and turns his head toward Calum and Calum looks back.

“Have you not been?” Calum furrows his eyebrows but smiles at Luke, trying to joke.

“I just, I’ve been thinking about stuff a lot lately and it’d be nice to talk about it...I’m just...”

“What?”

“I’m scared about what you’ll say....” Luke has turned onto his side and has curled all his limbs into his body, scrunching up and turning his face to disappear. Calum hasn’t seen Luke like this in awhile, the hiding. Calum slides down the tree and faces Luke, getting in his space.

Calum kind of thinks he knows what Luke is going to say. He’d never bring it up with Luke, but he’d always kind of wondered why Luke had never wanted to date any of the girls they knew. Calum had even brought Luke on a couple of a double dates and Luke had shied away and left early. The only time Calum had seen Luke do anything in the vicinity of flirting was when Calum invited Luke to a night out with his footie friends. It was confusing for Calum but he didn’t want to ask Luke about it. He was waiting for Luke to come to him.

“You’re my best friend Luke. You shouldn’t be afraid of me.” Luke looks up and meets Calum’s eyes before his gaze quickly darts away.

“It’s just...I’ve never really liked girls...” Luke’s biting his lip and Calum can see how tightly he’s gripping his elbows where they’re crossed. Calum is nodding his head, trying to be there for Luke. He reaches out a hand and puts it on Luke’s arm.

Luke looks up at Calum, eyes a little wet. “Do you like anyone else?” Calum asks as gently as he can. Luke takes a second and a few breaths before nodding his head slightly. “Who?”

“I...” Luke seems to stop himself and drops his voice into a whisper. “He was at the party last week.” Luke shrugs the best he can while lying on the ground. “We talked for a little while, he was nice. He’s going to uni next year.” There’s a small smile on Luke’s mouth and Calum’s relieved that Luke’s not going to cry because then Calum probably would’ve started crying too.

“What’s his name?”

“Niall.”

“Did you get his number?”

Luke blushes a bit and looks down at his hands. “No. I didn’t know if we were flirting or not. But he did say he was going to Mikey’s party this weekend.“ Luke’s biting his lip again, holding back a grin this time.

Calum punches his shoulder, “That’s flirting, idiot. I’m happy for you. You won’t even miss me this summer, you’ll be too wrapped up in dating the hottest guys in school.”

Luke laughs and punches Calum back before smothering him in a hug. “Thanks Cal.”

“Love you Lukey.” Calum hugged back hard, not leaving any room for doubt or shame in between them.

*****

“Next rounds on you, Calum!” Louis calls after Calum as Calum gets up. They’re in Adelaide, have just won their fifth out of seven matches, and gone to a bar.

“Ok, but I’ve got to take this first, it’s my best mate.” Calum holds up his vibrating cell and Louis gets a pinched look on his face.

“Fine, I’ll get this one. You’re next though!” Calum gives him a thumbs up before making his way out the bar, pressing answer when he’s a few feet from the door.

“Luke?”

“Cal?”

“What’s up?” Luke doesn’t call often. They try to talk on Sundays for a while but it’s mostly texts and tweets. Luke’s never called outside of Sunday afternoons so Calum’s a bit nervous of what’s going on.

“Congratulations on your game. I saw your tweets.” Luke’s voice is a little shaky behind the sincerity.

“Thanks. Is everything ok? You normally don’t call this late.”

“Sorry if you’re busy, or sleeping.”

“It’s fine, we’re just at a bar celebrating.”

“Oh, cool. I can call back tomorrow-”

“If I didn’t want to talk to you, I wouldn’t have picked up. What’s up?”

Luke pauses. Calum really hopes Luke and Niall didn’t break up. It had been so good for Luke, dating Niall for the past few months. They were keeping it casual until Luke was really ready to come out, but so far Niall had been helping him out, been there to take Luke for ice cream after he told his parents and Calum wasn’t there. And maybe Calum is a little jealous and maybe he’s hoping they’ll break up when he’s back in town, but now Luke needs someone.

“Some people saw me with Ni tonight. They...they started laughing at us and calling us names. It was just a bunch of drunk uni kids but...it was only the first time it will happen. Niall acted like it was normal, that it happens to him all the time. I don’t know if I can deal with that Calum.”

Calum wants to be there right now. He wants to cuddle Luke close and tell him that no one has any right to make fun of him, that Luke is his best friend and he’d punch anyone who made fun of him. But all he’s got is the static over the cellphone and a half drunk mind to piece together the perfect words to make Luke feel better. Calum looks around the city streets and remembers what he has to sacrifice to adventure out. More importantly, what the people close to him, mainly Luke, lose.

“I know you can. I know you can do this because you’re my best friend and I know you. You really only have two choices in this, to deal with it or pretend to be someone you’re not, and I know which one you’ll choose.”

Calum hears Luke take a shaky breath somewhere in Sydney. Calum imagines  Luke sitting in his desk chair, leaning forward over the scratched in doodles Calum would draw when he was bored and didn’t know how to respect other people’s things. The rooms dark and Luke’s wearing one of his nicer button down, short sleeve shirts with his hair perfect because that’s what Luke would wear on a date. He’s fiddling with his lip ring, probably changed into a small gold stud.

Calum wonders if Luke can see him as clearly. If Luke knows that Calum is leaning against the brick wall outside the entrance of a bar, if he can picture the clothing Calum is wearing. Probably not, a part of Calum doesn’t feel like the kid Luke grew up with. Luke would probably forget to include the tattoo peeking out of Calum’s tank top in his mental image. And for some reason Calum likes the thought, that he’s a bit different yet he still knows Luke through and through.

“Ok. Yeah. I can do this.”

“You can.”

“Thanks Cal. For picking up.”

Calum grins at that, “Always Lukey.”

Luke chuckles. “I’ll let you get back-”

“No, it’s fine, I can talk more.” Calum insists, but Luke continues.

“Go celebrate. I’ll call you on Sunday, yeah?”

Calum sighs, talking to Luke had been refreshing. “Yeah. But text me tomorrow. I need my ‘good morning beautiful’ text every day.”

Luke laughs at Calum’s joke through the line, a sound so familiar to him. “Will do. Bye Cal.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead before Calum takes the phone from his ear. He stays against the brick wall, closing his eyes to the blinking lights around him. He doesn’t miss home often, and he doesn’t miss home now. He just wishes he could climb into bed next to Luke and make sure he’s really ok. But maybe they both need to grow up, and get used to handling things on their own.

Calum pockets his phone and brushes off the back of his jeans before walking back into the bar to see Louis pouring beer on another guy’s head.

*********

Calum watches out the window as his mother turns down his childhood street. It doesn’t feel like coming home so much as coming back. It’s almost like this place isn’t home, that home is somewhere else, another country perhaps. The familiarity with the passing buildings is almost odd, like he hasn’t been here before yet he knows everything about this place. He’d forgotten the sound the wheels make as they turn over the bump on the road  but there it is, just as expected.

Calum can see Luke sitting on their porch. Calum had texted Luke in ten minute increments telling him exactly where he was. Luke’s on the top step with his long legs on the ground, leaning forward watching down the street. When Luke spots the car, he starts walking toward the  driveway, ready on the passenger side.

They pull into the driveway. Calum lowers the window as his mom gets out the other side and goes into the house, giving them the space they need. Luke bends down and leans on the opening, grinning down at Calum.

“Do I know you?” Calum asks, still buckled in the car, thinking he does a pretty decent impression of a guy who doesn’t know the person he’s talking too.

Luke just bends down and sticks his head through the window, bopping Calum’s face with the top of his head. His quiff gets in Calum’s mouth because Calum’s smiling so hard. “Ugh, you got gel in my mouth.”

Luke laughs and looks at Calum. “You gonna hug me? Properly?”

“I would, but someone’s blocking the door.” Calum smiles and Luke rolls his eyes. Luke opens the door and Calum hugs him tight.

“Hey.” Luke breathes against Calum’s neck.

“Hey. Missed you.”

“Missed you too.” They stand their a few minutes, just holding on, before Luke backs up an inch. “Come on, I have a ton of stuff to catch you up on.” Luke grabs one of Calum’s bag and Calum grabs the other, following Luke into his own house, up his own stairs, and into his own room. For some reason, it feels like Luke belongs here more than Calum.  

*********** **

“What are you doing next year Calum?” Mikey passes him a beer. They’re on Mikey’s back porch the night before their graduation, relaxing and reveling in the remnants of their childhood. Mikey had just told them his plans to go to uni. Now it’s Calum’s turn.

“Year abroad. I’m doing an exchange program with some kid in England. He seems nice and his family is cool. Should be fun.” Calum’s on his third beer and feels a little emotionally exhausted. Normally when he tells people his plans for the next year, he goes crazy, telling them about the town he’s living in and how it’s the hometown of British super star Harry Styles. How he already has a job lined up at a pub, and his passport came in the mail the other day.

Luke had been there when Calum had gotten the package with his passport. Luke had laughed at the picture, Calum smiling a bit too wide so he looked dazed and in a trance. Luke had helped him proofread emails to his host family. They’d gone shopping for UK appropriate clothes for Calum, which ended with trying on too many sunglasses and laughing hysterically in an embarrassing number of stores. For Calum, it’s almost like Luke is going with him. But he's not.

“What about you Hemmo?” Mikey settles behind Luke, hand on his shoulder. Mikey and Luke had gotten closer when Niall and Luke had broken up a few weeks into the school year. Mikey had taken some blame for Luke being hurt since the couple had kind of met at Mikey’s house.

“Sticking around here. I’ll try and find a job, nothing special.”

“S’cool. Getting out in the workforce. You’ll be making money while we’re broke uni kids.” Mikey motions to all the other boys on his porch while Luke smiles small and takes another sip of his beer.

Calum knows Luke doesn’t know what he wants to do. Calum doesn’t either, but where Calum is going as far as he can, scratching the itch under his skin to get away, Luke has decided to settle for what comes his way. Calum is going halfway around the world to search for something that Luke is waiting to land in his lap at home. Calum doesn’t disapprove so much as he doesn’t understand, just as Luke doesn’t understand Calum.

Calum looks up from his spot on the step and meets Luke’s eyes. Calum raises his beer towards Luke and tips his head, silently communicating and relating around all these people who don’t understand them. Luke nods back and Calum can’t help but smile.

*****

_Going on now_

**GOOD LUCK, skype in 12 hours?**

_yeah, see you soon!_

Calum puts his phone away, marking his mental calendar that he has to skype Luke tomorrow morning. The pub is dark beyond the stage. Calum’s been working here for the past nine months, and he knows it like the back of his hand by now. His favorite view is the one from on stage.

About two months into his year abroad, there had been a crisis at the pub where the band scheduled to play called it off hours before they were to set to go on. Crisis probably wouldn’t have been the best word for the situation, no one really came to see the bands, it was just a schedule people found themselves in. Thursday nights are local talent nights, of course you go.

Calum, who has played guitar for years, had stepped in last second. The audience had recognized him as the Aussie lad behind the bar and cheered louder than they normally did. And that’s how Calum started being scheduled the first thursday night of every month to play his covers to the drunken patrons. But this is his last month here, his last local talent night for the kid who’s not a local but had been embraced as one.

Calum walks to the center of the stage, sits on his stool and strums the guitar once. “Hello everyone.” The crowd claps, Calum can see a few familiar faces plus he knows his host family is in the back somewhere. “Before I begin, I just wanted to say thank you. It’s been great playing every month for you guys, thanks for the support. In...” he stops and tries to remember what is exactly now, “eleven? twelve days? I forget. But in less than two weeks I’m headed back to Sydney. Don’t know what I’ll do exactly. Nothing’s lined up but it’s almost the new year. So thanks again and here’s Wonder Wall!” The crowd laughs as he starts playing a Blink 182 cover.  

The set goes well, it’s only a half hour before he’s sitting with a pint at the table with his host family. They congratulate him and his host mom almost cries about how she’ll miss Calum. And that’s when he hears the screech of chair legs against the floor as the seat next to him is taken over. It takes Calum a few seconds to recognize the person.

It’s Harry Styles. Harry Styles, international pop star is sitting next to him at the table in the back of the pub he’s been working at for almost a year. And Harry Styles is looking at him.

“How attached are you to staying in Sydney next year?” Harry Styles says, just looking at Calum under the line of curls along his forehead. Calum is confronted, and not for the first time, with the fact that he is indeed attracted to men, especially men like Harry Styles with his long limbs and pretty eyes.

“Excuse me?”

Something seems to click in Harry and he goes from staring intently at Calum to a softer, embarrassed expression. “I’m sorry, let me start again. Hi, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you....Calum?”

Calum can’t do much but nod and reach out to shake the hand held in front of him.

“Well, the reason I so rudely interrupted your conversation is because I need a guitarist. The guy who normally tours with me’s wife is about to have a baby and wants to stay more local.  I’m suppose to cut my break short and go back to London Monday morning to audition guitarists. But I was quite impressed with your set, so I figured we might be able to talk.” Harry’s face is stretched in a welcoming grin and Calum feels like all of his insides just disappeared and he’s about to collapse. But he doesn’t.

“You’re...you’re offering me a job? Touring with you?” Calum just needs to set the record straight, because as long as Harry’s talked, he never explicitly asked Calum to do anything.

“Yes, Europe and UK from February to May and North America is August through the end of the year. I mean, I’ll need to hear you play a few of my songs and we should probably get lunch tomorrow to make sure we get along, and of course my team will have to approve, but that should all be fine. I really liked what you did up there, you’re whole persona. It’ll fit well with my image. So? What do you say?”

Calum doesn’t know how he’s able to find words. “Yes, definitely. Do you need my contact info or something?”

Harry grins, “That’s wonderful. Give me your phone.” Harry Styles takes Calum’s phone, types something, snaps a selfie with wide eyes and pursed lips, then passes the phone back to Calum. “I’ll text you tomorrow so we can meet up? Can I buy you another drink now?” Calum shakes his head, motioning at his almost full pint. “No? Well, I should be off but I’ll see you tomorrow Calum.” And with that Harry Styles is gone.

Calum takes a second to catch his breath, his host parents patting him on the back and congratulating him, before he heads out to the back alley where the other bartender’s take smoke breaks. It’s snowing out, really lightly, it definitely won’t last until Christmas but the chill and wet flakes ground Calum a bit. Because that actually happened.

Calum pulls his phone out of the pocket of his sweater, going to his recent calls list. He had planned on calling his mother, but Luke’s name sits three down on the list from their touching base a couple days ago about Calum’s flight home. He hits the number and a picture of Luke pouting and holding up a peace sign comes up. Luke had tried to make it a joke pic but he just ended up pulling it off considerably well. The picture reminds Calum that there is a number and contact picture for Harry Styles in his phone now and he bites his lip so a huge smile doesn’t take over his face.

“I said skype in twelve hours, not a phone call in one.” Luke says immediately, no need for a greeting between the two. Calum can tell Luke is smirking, happy to hear from Calum. Luke’s probably eating breakfast right now, getting ready for his job at the local library. Calum imagines he has a mug of coffee in his left hand and the phone in his right, a light t-shirt on to avoid the heat of the day.

“Luke. Something just happened.”

“What?” Luke sounds nervous over the line, like Calum’s about to tell him he killed a penguin or something terrible in Luke’s world.

“I think Harry Styles just offered me a job.” The line is silent. “He definitely did. It definitely happened.”

It takes Luke another few seconds to respond, and when he does it’s a rocky whisper. Calum pictures Luke leaning forward and trying to be quiet even though he’s probably the only one in the room. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah! I know, it’s crazy right?”

“Doing what? Like his assistant or something...?”

“His guitarist! On tour next year!” Calum practically screams into the phone.

Calum hears some shuffling on the other end and then a small crash, almost positive that Luke just dropped the phone. “Are you kidding me? Calum is this a joke?”

Calum starts shaking his head before he can reply. “No. No, it happened. He was at the bar while I was playing and he just came up to me after and told me he needed a new guitarist. He has to like, approve it with people but he thinks it’ll happen. He gave me his number Luke!”

“You have Harry Styles’ number in your phone?! Calum, I had a huge crush on him when I was fifteen.”

Calum laughs at the image of Luke standing and practically yelling that into the phone. “Looks even better in person, trust me.”

Luke breathes heavy on the other end. “Calum. I am so happy for you. Shit. That’s incredible. Will you...Do you think you’ll still be able to come home for Christmas?”

Calum pauses, his feet stop the pacing that had apparently started at some part of the conversation. “I...I don’t know. Didn’t ask. But he said his tour doesn’t start until February so, maybe? I can ask tomorrow? We’re getting lunch together.”

Luke laughs. “My best friend getting lunch with Harry Styles. Shit. Just let me know, if you can’t. I’ll ship your present, yeah?”

Calum grins into the phone. “Thanks Lukey. I’ll figure it out and let you know. Still want to skype tomorrow?”

“After your lunch date. Text me.”

“K, Bye Lukey.”

“See you Cal.”

Calum hangs up the phone and takes a few more minutes to sort through his thoughts but the only thing that seems to run through his mind is holy shit  on loop.

*****

The lights are hanging from the windows as they do every year but Calum feels so different. He has ten days to be home, ten days Harry Styles fought for because he didn’t want to steal Calum away from Oz for another year without him seeing his family. They’re continuing rehearsals on December 29th and Calum has until then to be with his family and friends before he’s whisked off to the crazy world of music industry for a year.

His father pulls into the driveway and Calum looks over at Luke’s house. It’s a shock to Calum’s system, this heat. It had been raining slush when Calum left on an airplane and now Calum is sweating through his T shirt. He wants to shower and settle in a bit, but Luke’s house has a blow up Santa in front that’s practically yelling at Calum to call Luke. So he steps out of the car, waving his father into the house as he pulls out his phone.

Luke picks up on the first ring. “Calum? You get on the plane yet?” Calum had last minute taken an earlier flight and had neglected to tell his friends, opting to surprise them instead.  

“When is your mom going to stop putting up that Santa Claus? You’re almost twenty.”

“She does it for the younger...” Luke trails off and Calum hears Luke hang up the phone. Almost immediately, Calum sees Luke rush out his front door. Luke pauses on the porch and looks over at Calum’s house. When Luke sees Calum, he smiles.

Luke has changed in a year. He’s even taller than Calum last remembered, and he’s filled out the slightest bit so that Calum can see the definition of Luke’s arms bared in his cut T-shirt. He’s grown into his face and body beautifully, no more awkward gawky Luke, his eyes are bright and his steps sure. Luke has his hands in his pockets as he crosses the street, and somehow, even though he is a good few inches taller than Calum, manages to look up at Calum through his lashes. And Calum’s just a little bit frozen to his spot.

Luke reaches Calum and just stands a few feet away, a bit anticlimatic to his quick steps in Calum’s direction. He’s smiling, more confident that Calum’s seen yet still twinged in hesitance. It’s Calum who breaks the tension between them by shaking his inner self back to life and throwing his arms around Luke’s shoulders.

“What happened to you?” Calum mumbles into the side of Luke’s face. Luke chuckles.

“Me? Look at you. Big time rock star now.” And ok, Calum will give him that. He’s got four new tattoos and he started styling his hair differently halfway through the year, a bit edgier if he does say so himself. But Calum doesn’t think the physical changes are anything compared to how different he feels overall. Like he finally has some sort of purpose. Of course, he started feeling the itch again once he had settled in England. Right now, with Luke in front of his childhood home, it doesn’t feel nearly as overwhelming as it has.

Luke pulls away from the hug. “Want to go somewhere? You hungry? We could go to the bar?”

Calum should say no. “Sure. Let me put my stuff inside.”

“Did you just get back?” Luke’s eyes sparkle that smallest bit more and his grin widens.

“Yeah?”

“You called me before you even been in your house? Calum!” Luke hugs Calum again, trying to burrow under the first layer of Calum’s skin. “I missed you too!”

Calum chuckles and pulls Luke in more. “Yeah, fine, I missed you. Go start your car.”

With that Luke breaks away and winks at Calum before jogging back to his house to get his keys. Calum lugs his bags just in the front doorway before turning around and heading to Luke’s passenger side door.

An hour later, they’re sitting at a small table in the back of their favorite bar, fried food scattered over the table and five beers downed between them. Calum’s almost hysterical with laughter as Luke tells a story of a hook up gone wrong.

“You can’t just do that. There are protocols that were not met...” Luke’s serious face is breaking as Calum draws the attention of half the bar with his cackling. “Cal, I’m being serious!” On the last word he laughs.

“So let me get this straight.” Calum starts.

“It very much was not.” Luke waggles his eyebrows as he takes a sip from his beer.

“Yes, Luke, you’re gay, got it. He asked you to suck him off in the back of the cab? Seriously? Like he wasn’t joking.”

“Calum. I was not exaggerating when I said he was pushing my head.” Luke puts his hand on his head and mimes pushing and Calum can’t breathe he’s laughing so hard.

“Poor Lukey. I’d never treat you like that.” And maybe Calum drank three of the five beers. But he really can’t blame his words on the alcohol because he has amassed an impressive tolerance working at a pub for a year.

“Oh?” Luke smirks up at him. “And how would you treat me?”

“I’d take you to dinner, proper date. Maybe I’d wear a tie if I was really feeling it. Pick you up-”

“In your mom’s car?” Luke grins.

“It is a van. Maybe I’d set up a bed in the back seats.” It’s Calum’s turn to waggle his eyebrows and Luke’s to lose his shit.

An hour later finds them at the high school, footie pitch deserted and just for them. They don’t have a ball and instead opt to lie in the middle of the field.

“Are you excited for touring?” Luke mumbles next to Calum.

Calum sits up and fixes Luke with a stare, “You’re kidding me. Of course I’m excited. It’s a life changer.”

Luke looks almost wistful. “ Yeah, I know. Just thought I’d get to keep you for a bit.”

Luke’s not looking at Calum and Calum doesn’t know why. It seems like the night has moved to the serious portion. “Yeah. I know. I’ll miss you guys too.”

"I don't think you get it though. Missing you. It's hard being here sometimes.”

“Are you not happy here?” Calum asks. He always assumed Luke was content living his life the way he chose.

“No, I am. I like my life. I just...I’m here and you’re halfway around the world. Feel a bit lost sometimes because my best friend is out living an exciting life and I’m just here. I just miss you sometimes.”

Calum pauses. “That’s why I’m half way around the world.”

Luke sits up and looks down at Calum. “To make me miss you?”

“No, I feel like something’s missing. I’m just out there looking for home.”

Luke frowns. “It’s not here?”

Calum shakes his head, “No. I just get this feeling sometimes, like something is out there for me. That I have to keep looking to find my...home.”

“That’s why you do it? Because you don’t want to live here anymore?” Luke looks on the verge of anger.

Calum chooses his words wisely. “I don’t think it’s a place. I think it’s an it... or a who.”

This is probably the most honest Calum’s ever been with himself about that feeling, let alone another person. He’s looking for someone. Just anyone, but a ‘just anyone’ in particular. He doesn’t know where they might be, but he’s going to find them.

Luke is gazing down at him with his mouth set in a line and his eyes dark. The world feels small for a second, just the two of them and the blades of grass tickling Calum’s ears. Calum can tell Luke is thinking, of what Calum does not know.

Luke lays back down when the feeling is too heavy, Calum feeling the weight on his chest. Calum doesn’t know how to look one of the most important people in his life in the eye and say he’s not enough, that Calum needs something that Luke can’t give him. And apparently Luke doesn’t know how to take that.

“You want to go back to the shed?” Luke says into the night sky. Calum nods before pulling Luke up with him.

One more hour passes and this one is filled with shots of an Irish whiskey the owner of the bar Calum worked at gave him as a parting gift.  They’re only about a quarter of the way through the bottle, passing it back and forth on the couch. Calum is stretched out with his back against one arm of the couch and Luke is sitting against the other, legs on top of Calum's.

“Cal?”

“Hmm?”

“I need a cuddle.”

Calum looks at Luke and smiles. “We are kind of cuddling.” He points at their entwined legs.

Luke pouts. “I need a better cuddle.”

Calum rolls his eyes but opens his arms so Luke can crawl across the couch and lean into Calum. It’s a tight squeeze, much tighter than when they were thirteen and napping on the couch together. Calum relaxes into it, letting Luke’s body press into his, warmer on the outside than the whiskey in his belly.

“I missed you.” Luke mumbles into Calum’s neck, his nose pressed into Calum’s shoulder.

“Missed you too.” Calum mumbles back only to  be met with a sigh from Luke. “What?”

“I don’t think you do.” Luke breathes out, barely loud enough to hear.

Calum stops from defending himself. Does he miss Luke? Does he ever actually miss home when he’s away? He knows he has feelings of longing, thinking it would be nice to talk to someone. But they’re fleeting, the sight of a movie billboard that Calum wants to see with Luke, but as he walks past Luke’s forgotten. Calum will see a cute present for his mom and forget about missing her as soon as it’s packed in his suitcase to send home. Maybe Calum doesn’t know how to miss people.

The silence seems to answer Luke’s unposed question. The comfort of the lack of space between them ends, Calum just feels all the spots Luke is touching him and it feels wrong. Like there is something too intimate about their positions even though it’s the same intimacy they’ve always had. Luke starts to move and Calum thinks he’s retreating until Luke’s face is looming over him.

Luke’s looking down at Calum, propped up a few inches above him. Luke’s tracing Calum’s face with his eyes, darting from his eyes to his lips by route of his cheeks. Calum is a little drunk and Luke must be a lot drunker. That’s at least what Calum tells himself when Luke leans down to press their lips together.

Calum wouldn’t call it a kiss because he’s frozen and shocked and Luke is just lightly pressing their lips together, no real force behind it. After a few presses when Calum doesn’t react, Luke stops. He looks up into Calum’s eyes and quickly retreats to his side of the couch, not touching Calum at all.

“I’m sorry. I don’t...Sorry.” Luke says into his hands as he leans over, feet on the floor. Calum just stays another second, quickly processing that Luke just kissed him. A relationship that he thought was completely platonic, brotherly, has just crossed a bit of a line.

“It’s...fine. It’s fine. We’re just drunk.” Calum sits forward next to Luke, draping an arm around his shoulder and snuggling in.

“Yeah. I’m just drunk. That’s what is was.” Luke mumbles but doesn’t lean into Calum.

An hour later, Calum is in his own bed staring at the ceiling. There’s one thought going through his head over and over. _Why didn’t I kiss back?_

*****

“Calum! Come on! You’re going to be late.” Luke calls up to Calum, wrapped in his mother’s arms. Luke can probably tell this is the fourth time Calum’s mother has hugged him this morning and that she is the reason why Calum is twenty minutes behind schedule in getting to the airport for his flight back to London.

Harry is personally picking him up in England, letting Calum stay in one of his guest rooms. A bunch of Calum’s stuff is already there from the two weeks he spent learning Harry’s music and going to band rehearsals, getting to know the other guys. Calum just has a small suitcase to bring as a carry on. He puts it on his lap as he gets into Luke’s car, ready to go back to the UK.

“Thanks.” Calum grins at Luke over the center console. Luke had volunteered to drive Calum, nice of him so Calum’s mother didn’t have to take off work. They’d last seen each other ten hours ago when they’d parted ways after going out for Calum’s last night in town for months.

“Of course.” Luke backs out of the driveway.

They chat on the ride to the airport, nothing meaningful, Luke joking about Calum getting Harry Styles’ number for him. They still haven’t talked about the night Luke kissed Calum, glazed over it with jokes and more almost flirting. There might have been an increase in distance between them but other than that, they’ve ignored it.

When Luke stops the car outside the terminal, just dropping Calum off, he parks the car and gets out as Calum does. Luke comes around to the sidewalk as Calum extends the handle on his rolling suitcase. Luke just kind of stands there, waiting.

It’s Calum who moves. Stepping forward and tugging Luke in tightly. Luke pushes into it, their first real hug in a week. They stand a moment, saying good bye.

“I’ll miss you.” Luke says softly.

“I’ll miss you too.” Calum pulls back and looks Luke straight in the eye. “I will Luke, I will miss you.”

Luke shrugs his shoulders and fakes a smile. Calum has to go if he wants to make his flight but he doesn’t want to leave Luke looking like this, embarrassed and shy. And Calum doesn’t know what gives him the idea but he does it anyways.

Calum leans forward and pecks Luke on the mouth, lightly and less than a second. “I’ll see you in May, yeah?” He’s talking over his shoulder as he walks away and waving and Luke is just watching him with confusion across his face. It’s not until Calum is a few yards away, waiting for Luke to answer him, that Luke responds.

“Uh, yeah. See you in May.” Luke waves good bye and watches Calum go. Calum still feels Luke’s eyes on him as he turns into the terminal and makes his way towards the security checkpoint.

*********

 

Italy is beautiful. Calum loves Italy, and the shows are amazing. Harry has four different dates in Italy and there are a few days scheduled to just be in Italy after the shows. Calum loves it. He spends a lot of time with Harry’s wardrobe person, Zayn. The two of them, or three if Harry doesn’t have some awful interview or something, just spend time lounging or driving through the Italian city streets.

“Did you just snap chat that?” Zayn asks, amused at Calum’s choice of photo subject.

“Yeah, got a problem with that?” Calum pretends to act tough but Zayn just laughs.

“Snapchatting the Colosseum is pretty much the most cliche thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just sending it to a mate. Thought he might like it.” Calum checks his phone to see if Luke has answered him back yet.

“A mate?” Harry asks from the front seat. “Or a _mate_?” Harry waggle’s his eyebrows for emphasis.

“It’s my best friend, there’s no...” he does the eyebrows thing but that just makes  Zayn and Harry laugh. “Here, I’ll show you a picture. He just snapped back and it’ll be a selfie.”

Harry and Zayn look down at the phone while Calum holds down on the screen. It’s a standard Luke selfie, a contorted version of jealousy on his face so his jaw is dropped and his eyes are wide. He’s in bed and shirtless, the tops of his shoulders peeking into the picture and his hair matted on the side.

“Wait, is this the gay best friend? Who worships my body?” Harry wonders leaning in, looking more closely at the picture. The snap fades away.

“Yeah?”

“Show us more pictures.” Harry’s body is curved into the back seat and it’d probably annoy the driver if it wasn’t Harry Styles.

“Ok...” Calum goes to his photos and finds the ones from Christmas, when Luke had come over and they’d exchanged gifts. Calum had taken pictures of Luke opening his gift. “Here. This is us on Christmas.”

The picture he chose is a selfie of Calum and Luke in front of a mirror, Luke holding up his English souvenir T-shirt Calum had gotten him while Calum held up the giant pack of monogrammed picks Luke had gotten for Calum’s ‘new job.’ They both look good if he does say so himself.

“So just a friend you said?” Harry looks up at Calum after inspecting the photo.

“Like a brother to me.” It feels kind of like a lie as Calum says it.

Harry nods. “You should give him my number.” Then he retreats to the front seat.

“What?!” Calum says as Zayn chuckles next to him.

“Give him my number.” Harry looks back, probably genuinely thought Calum hadn’t heard what he said. Harry sees the look on Calum’s face and shrugs his shoulder. “What? Looks hot. I’ll be in Sydney next year, might be a nice evening.” Harry turns back to the front before darting back again. “That reminds me. February and March in Australia good for you? One of the manage-y people will ask you formally one of these days but figured I’d tell you the dates ahead of time. You too Malik. So beginning of the year in Australia? Yes?” Harry is pointing between them, his ‘seductive business grin’ as he calls it on his face.

Discussion of Luke is forgotten when Zayn and Harry start talking about what they want to do when they get to Australia, asking Calum for tips on where to go in their limited amount of time. But Calum thinks about what Harry had said. And if Calum was a good friend to Luke, or Harry really, he should give Harry Luke’s number. Because they probably would have a nice, albeit sexual, night together.

But Calum finds himself glad that he doesn’t have to. He’s feeling something close to jealousy and it’s a bit worrisome, but he forgets it as they reach their hotel and are met by a flood of fans.

*****

“Hey Calum?” Luke’s standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, just leaning in to catch Calum’s gaze. Calum is lying on the couch, simultaneously watching TV and tweeting. He’s been home a month and leaves in six weeks to go stay with Harry in LA for a little while before the North American tour kicks off. They’re at Luke’s house right now, eating pizza and hanging out, trying to figure out if there’d be anything cool to do the next day.

“Yes Lukey?” Calum looks up from the screen of his phone, giving Luke his full attention.

“I was wondering,” Luke comes back into the room, propping his hip against the doorway. “When you’re back next year, would you want to get an apartment together? Between the two of us we could probably find somewhere nice and closer to the city center. Get away from the parents and all that.” Luke looks hopeful and hesitant and Calum hates that he has to let him down.  

“Did I forget to tell you?”

“What?” Luke looks dejected now.

“We’re doing Australia next year.  We won’t be done touring until the end of March.”

“Oh yeah. Should’ve realized. I saw all the tour promo stuff...” Luke trails off as he goes to the kitchen. Calum sighs and follows.

“I’d love to live with you though. In the future or something. I just can’t anytime soon.”

“Cal, it’s fine. Can’t imagine you with a year lease anyways.” Luke says it bitterly right before he takes a swig of his beer.

“Come on Luke. That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? Since you’ve been an adult have you ever been tied down? There’s just as much keeping you here as there is in England or Italy or practically anywhere in the world.”

“That’s not true. My family is here, you’re here.” Calum’s crossing his arms, glaring at Luke.

Luke explodes. “Well apparently we’re not enough!” He slams the bottle down against the countertop before pushing past Calum, going back into the living room.

Calum freezes watching Luke go. Luke is always so right and it pisses Calum off because it makes Calum feel like a terrible person. Calum wishes he wanted to stay here, wishes he could sign a year lease with Luke and find a nice job for decent pay like Luke has. But he’s not made for that. Touring is the best feeling in the world, going everywhere and seeing so many of the things he’s read about in books. And Calum can’t wait to do it for six more months after this, and who knows how much longer after that.

Calum makes his way back to the living room, knowing that he needs to make it right since he’s the reason this is all wrong. Luke’s curled up in the chair rather than sprawled on the couch with Calum like he was before.

“Harry wants to meet you.” Calum speaks from the doorway like Luke had. Luke’s head spins back to Calum.

“What?”

“He saw a picture of you. Wanted me to give you his number. Then he gave me tickets for one of the Sydney shows, kept repeating that one of the tickets was for you.”

“That doesn’t mean he wants to meet me.” Luke mumbles into his pulled up knees, not accepting the peace offering.

“He also might’ve said something about wanting to get in your pants.”

Luke freezes and turns his head slowly to Calum, “He said what?”

Calum moves to sit on the couch. “Apparently I talk about you enough that Harry has assumed you’re a nice enough guy who won’t tell his story to a reporter if you hook up. Thinks you’re hot too.”

Luke’s mouth is gaping and he’s just watching Calum. “Why didn’t he text or something then?”

“I didn’t give him your number.”

Luke’s voice goes higher. “Why the hell not?!”

Calum shrugs. “Don’t know. Figured you wouldn’t want me giving it out to people.”

Luke is looking at Calum like he’s crazy. “Harry Styles is not people Calum! You know I’ve had a crush on him ever since he was on X Factor!”

“Sorry. But you’ll be thanking me in six months when you’re Harry Styles booty call.” Calum grins. Thankfully, this time Luke laughs and the tension breaks.

Luke shakes his head, smile on his face. “Fucking Harry Styles thinks I’m hot.”

Calum bites back the _well, you are_ on his tongue.

*********

“That was incredible. Fuck!” Harry shakes as he starts disrobing right in the middle of the bus. “That was amazing!”

“Wooo!” Calum does a little dance a next to him. Harry just laughs before dragging Calum into a hug, only wearing his pants.

“Great to have you on tour Calum. Really spectacular.”

“Thanks Harry. Just because it’s the last American show doesn’t mean I’ll never see you again.” Calum chuckles as Harry clings to his chest, eyes closed. “We’ve got Oz in a month.”

Harry stands back. “About that.” Harry sits on the counter behind him while Calum leans against the table nervously, thinking he’s about to get fired. “What are you doing after the Australia tour?”

“Nothing. Why? You going to tour again?” Calum, feeling like he has some job security, wonders what this could be about. They haven’t released any new dates and it’d be too close to the dates to announce a tour.   

“Well, no. You know how you write songs?” Calum does indeed know that, had begrudgingly shown Harry on the bus one day. Harry had been unexpectedly impressed.

Harry seems to be waiting for an answer. “Yes?”

“I want you to write them for me. Well, with me, but for me. After Australia I’m going to start focusing on the next album. Thought you could help me write and then record it. It’d be epic.” He punctuates the last three words with his finger on the counter. “So?”

“Are you serious?” Calum asks. As good friends as the two have become, this is a lot. Like this could make Calum’s career even more than just playing backing for Harry Styles would. And Harry’s asking like Calum would be doing him a favor.

“Of course. We work well together. And you’d like my friend who helps me, Liam. I think we’d write some great stuff and then you could play it and people will love it. I’ve got a lot of pressure on me for this one, you know? People think I’m going to fizzle. But you write in a different style, would give me a bit more of an edge.”

Calum’s only response is surging forward to hug Harry. “Fuck yes.” Ok, so maybe he had another response.

“Nice!” Harry says. “I was planning on LA, is that good for you? I just feel I don’t spend enough time there. You’re welcome to stay in the guest room again. Might as well get a sign with your name on it, ‘Calum’s room.’”

“LA sounds great. That’s great.” Calum is smiling wide, smile trying to break his cheeks. He’s employed!

*********

“Hey, are you going to be cool? If not, I’m not letting you in here.” Calum mock pulls Luke back. Of course Luke is meeting his friends. Calum might be a little worried about it but it’s no big deal. Right?

The break had been peaceful. Calum sleeping until midday and then hanging out with Luke or friends at night plus quality family time at Christmas. But break is over now. Harry had arrived yesterday and Calum had met him at the airport along with the rest of the team. Today is sound check before three nights in Sydney, then a few days before they have to move to the next city.

The whole crew had practically begged Calum to bring Luke by. Calum tried not to think too heavily about what Harry’s motivation for that was, but he’d arranged it. It’s Luke’s day off from his new job as a waiter and Luke is more than happy spending it meeting everyone.

“It’s me. Of course I’ll be cool.” The words are hardly out of Luke’s mouth before Calum cracks up. Luke just grins.

They reach the door to the backstage area. Calum’s used to this by now, he’s been backstage at more arenas than he can count and they’re all laid out pretty similarly. But he doesn’t miss Luke’s awe of walking down the corridor. There’s a skip in Luke’s step and a glint in his eyes. Calum watches Luke scan their surroundings and take it in. People are rushing back and forth finishing setting up before sound check and Luke looks at them like they’re elfs.

“Here.” Calum motions for Luke to follow before going in the direction where the green room probably is. Easily enough he finds the room, Luke trailing behind.

“Calum!” Calum turns to see Harry half naked, as usual, lying on a couch. “Come snuggle.” Harry holds his arms out, beckoning Calum forward.

“Sure.” Calum extends his body over Harry in a hug that presses Harry down into the couch. Calum points behind him, to where Luke is staring, well, gaping at them. “That’s Luke. Luke, this is Harry.”

“Oh! Luke, I completely forgot you were coming.” Calum can tell Harry is lying. “You’re welcome to come cuddle too.” Harry smirks at Luke and Luke’s face flushes, something Calum isn’t sure he’s ever seen before.

“Uh..no thanks. I’m... I’m good.” Luke steps forward so he’s at the foot of the couch. “Nice to meet you.”

Harry pushes Calum off to the side and sits up towards Luke. He extends a hand in Luke’s direction to shake. “Pleasure’s all mine.” And there’s that damn filthy smirk again. Calum’s almost mad at Harry, looking at Luke like he’s an object. And Luke seems to be enjoying it, looking back at Harry under his eyelashes and grinning. Hell, Luke’s even fidgeting.

“Calum, I think they need you on stage.” Harry says, not looking at Calum next to him.

“Since when?” Calum knows he sounds bitter but he did just get here, hasn’t seen Harry in a few weeks, and is already being pushed onstage.

Harry must hear the difference in tone because he turns to Calum. “It’s soundcheck Calum. You need to do the instrument things.”

“Fine. Luke?  Want to see the stage?” Calum gets up from the couch and walks to the door.

“You can stay here if you want.” Harry looks so innocent as he says it, hand in his curls and lips pursed. “I won’t have to go up for awhile.”

“What?” Calum turns back to Harry. Harry always comes to listen to them play when they tune the instruments and work out the kinks in the sound system.

“Well, I just thought your two best friends should get to know each other Calum.” Harry shrugs, his shoulders loose. Calum’s are tense.

“Since when are you one of my best friends Harry?”

Harry actually looks hurt. “I’m not?”

Calum sighs, “Fine, yes you are. I’ll see you guys later.” And with that, Calum leaves the room as Luke moves to sit next to Harry on the couch.

After the rehearsal, Luke suggests they go to his and Calum’s bar. Harry smiles at the suggestion and quickly falls into step walking to Luke’s car. They make their way to the bar and get a table in the back so no one will see them.

“I like this place. Nice and dark, very bar-y.” Harry says as he takes a seat opposite Luke. Calum frowns, Harry is sitting in his seat. Calum slides into the booth next to Luke, squishing in a bit tighter than is necessary, Luke doesn’t seem to notice.

“Calum, will you get the first round?” Luke turns to Calum and finally acknowledges him.

“Sure.” Calum mumbles before getting up and going to the bar. He watches Luke and Harry over his shoulder. Harry reaches out and brushes his fingers against Luke’s wrist, eyes never leaving Luke’s and Luke is in to it. And suddenly, Calum is mad. All afternoon he had been mildly upset, watching Harry wink and shake his hips in Luke’s direction during the soundcheck. Harry could at least pretend that he wasn’t trying to seduce Luke, like have some couth or something. But no, Harry’s just going for it and Calum doesn’t like how positively Luke is responding.

“Here.” Calum slams the drinks on the table, Harry and Luke’s attention snapping to him.

“Thanks Cal.” Luke smiles up at him. Calum wants to be mad at Luke, hell, he is mad at Luke, but not nearly as mad as he is at Harry. Luke turns back to Harry. “What are your plans after this tour?”

“Calum hasn’t told you?” Harry looks perplexed and turns to Calum, eyebrow raised.

Luke turns to Calum too. “What?”

Calum stays silent, drinking his beer, until Harry answers. “We’re making a new album.”

Luke’s face goes from nervous to broken in a few seconds. “We as in you and Calum?”

Harry’s eyes flick over to Calum before turning back to Luke. “Yeah, I need a bit of new sound and Calum’s got that. We were going to write and release the new album and then we’ll have tours for a while. We’re going to write in LA and probably record in London. I don’t....I don’t know why he didn’t tell you.” Harry and Luke are both looking at Calum now.

“You’ve known the entire time you’ve been back that you were going to LA after the tour.” Luke puts his head in his hands. “I can’t believe you Cal.”

“I’m sorry, did I say something I shouldn’t have?” Harry’s looking apologetic and Calum doesn’t want to talk about this.

Luke had asked him about the apartment again. Luke didn’t want to stay in his parents house any longer so Calum helped him find an apartment saying he’d move in with him when he could. They found a nice little two bedroom apartment close to the city center. Calum offered to cover half the rent and Luke refused, saying to wait until Calum actually moved in. Luke had moved in two days earlier, Calum had helped. And Luke had been so excited that it would be theirs, finally living together.

Luke is shaking his head down at the table. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Just let me pay half the rent, I can stay with you whenever I’m in town.”

Luke turns to Calum. “It’s not about the money Calum! I was finally getting you back! After two years without my best friend, we were finally going to live together and see each other without needing skype. And now you’re leaving again?” Luke pauses, his voice cracking at the end. He takes a breath. Calum wants to touch Luke, his shoulder or something, try and comfort him. “I wouldn’t be mad if you had told me, Cal. When have I ever made you feel bad about what you do? I just can’t believe you lied to me.” Luke is stuck in the booth with Calum caging him in.

“I just didn’t know how to tell you. You were so excited-”

“Yeah, I was.” Luke’s eyes are hard, Calum has never seen him like this. Luke’s voice is calm and if anyone looked over they’d think that Luke had just tasted something bad, not this. “Sometimes I don’t even think I know you anymore. Fuck Calum. An album? Another tour? I’m so excited for you but why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Calum doesn’t really have words. He knows he’s in the wrong here. “I’m...sorry. I’m so sorry Luke.”

Luke sighs again, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t think I’m really feeling drinks anymore.”

Calum waits, frozen to his spot. He knows Luke wants him to move but he can’t. Calum looks up. Harry’s sitting across from them, eyes wide and sad, beer finished in front of him. Harry’s eyes meet Calum’s he mouths I’m sorry. Calum just shakes his head back.

Calum finally has enough feeling in his legs to move out of the booth. The bar feels a little tainted now, so many fond memories of sitting back with Luke and friends now wasted and destroyed by the look in Luke’s eyes when he turned to Calum. Calum just starts walking out, not looking back at Harry and Luke. He’s half a block away from the bar when he realizes they aren’t behind him. Maybe Luke changed his mind, maybe he’s up for drinks with Harry Styles, just not Calum.

Luke’s car is a few spots down, parked along the street. Calum bypasses it and walks home quickly, thoughts on the way Luke had smiled at Harry and how Luke had looked when he realized Calum had lied to him. Luke probably doesn’t want to see him now anyways, too busy with Harry. Calum remembers that he had been mad too, for some reason he can’t exactly pin down. Calum walks away, righteous fury in his bones.

*****

“Who’re you texting?” Calum’s head is in Harry’s lap in the backseat of a car driving them to the beach. They’re almost halfway through the Australian tour and are taking a much deserved break, a few days at the beach in a swanky hotel. Calum’s found that he’s becoming a bit famous, always being around Harry and playing guitar in the band. People recognize him occasionally but especially in Australia, home country pride or something.

“Luke.” Harry’s not grinning down at his phone like he normally does when he’s flirting, just kind of mindlessly texting.

“Oh.” Calum sits up and turns to look out the window. The houses are growing farther apart and getting larger. Calum can see the hotel ahead, a large white building rising out of the sand. He tries to focus on counting the windows rather than the fact that Luke is texting Harry.

“Why haven’t you talked to him since that night in the bar?” Harry turns to Calum. Calum doesn’t know. They had the shows and he had focused on that, not on Luke. Then he’d spent a few days at home, and Luke must’ve settled in to his apartment nicely since he hadn’t gone to his childhood home once in that time. It just became a thing, Calum didn’t text Luke. Luke didn’t text Calum. It’d only been two weeks, not the end of the world. The longest they’d ever gone without speaking but still, only two weeks.

“How do you even have his number?” Calum retorts, too bitter for his own liking.

“Why does that even matter? Why aren’t you talking to him?” Harry says back. It’s not mean in the slightest, so like Harry to be especially nice when people aren’t nice to him.

“I just haven’t. It’s hardly been two weeks. We can live without talking to each other.” Calum’s sarcasm is as unexpected to him as it is to Harry who looks a little shocked. And Calum doesn’t know why this is bothering him so much. Luke and him are childhood friends and now he’s an adult, he should have shiny new adult friends. Maybe it’s just time for him and Luke to get some distance.

“He’s worried,” Harry answers. “Wants to know if you’re ok. I told him you’ve been moping around since that night.”

Calum prickles, “I haven’t been mopey.”

Harry sighs, “I feel like I don’t know who you are these past weeks. You’re certainly not Calum.” It hurts a bit, so similar to what Luke had said to him in the bar. Which reminds Calum that he’s mad at Luke because of the Harry stuff. Calum had forgiven Harry soon enough, consciously at least.

“Did you sleep with him that night?” It’s been eating away at Calum, normally he knows more than he’d like about both of their sex lives. But Luke hasn’t talked to him at all and Harry seems to be avoiding talking about his hook ups since Sydney.

Harry pauses, looks at Calum a little guiltily, and says, “No.”

Calum blinks. “No as in no, or not that night?”

Harry looks down at his phone, “Not that night.”

The words hang in the air. No details. Just the confirmation. And Calum’s stomach drops. He can’t believe it. He’d kind of known already, love bites on Harry’s neck in Sydney that he didn’t explain. But hearing him say it is a punch in the gut.

“In my defense, you had told me he was like your brother.”

“Well maybe I didn’t want you sleeping with my brother Harry, think of that?” Calum’s not trying to hide the cruel undertone in his voice.

“Seriously Calum? You going to keep pretending that it’s completely platonic between the two of you? Keep moping around because you don’t want to deal with your feelings?”

Calum scoffs. “Harry, Luke is my best friend. That’s it. Ok? And he’s an adult so he can sleep with who ever he wants.”

There’s a silence in the car for a few beats. “You should call him.”

Calum suddenly wants to. Because two weeks is long enough to make a record and that’s about as long as he wants it to go. “Is everything ok? With him? Is he good?”

“He’s really worried about his best friend, but if you called him I’m sure that would fix itself.” Harry teases.

Calum digs his phone out of his pocket, knowing Harry won’t mind if he does this now. They’ve just pulled up in front of the hotel and Calum gets out of the car and heads down to the beach, looking through his contacts for Luke’s name as he looks for a place to sit. He finds a bench and the Ls at the same time and sits down.

“Calum?” Luke picks up right after the first ring.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. You were just so happy-”

“I know, I just was excited to live with you. But I’m just as excited for you. Writing an album with Harry Styles? That’s incredible.”

“I know, I didn’t think you wouldn’t be excited...I just didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

“It’s ok. Don’t do it again but it’s fine now.”

Calum breathes for what feels like the first time in weeks. “I really love coming home Luke. I know you don’t think that, but it’s true. If anything, traveling makes it that much more special.”

There’s a pause on the other line. “Do you think you’ll ever stay for good?”

“I...” Calum doesn’t really know what to say. “Maybe. I just feel restless sometimes and I just need to get out. No matter where I am, I just need to leave. And I love being home, I love being with you, but I just can’t settle for that. This different city every day life is perfect for me.”

“Ok. Where are you now?”

“A beach somewhere. Lost track of the city.” Luke laughs on the other end. “You should come visit. I’m sure Harry would love to have you as a guest.”

The laughter on the other end stops. “What?”

“He told me.” Calum is tracing a figure eight in the sand with his toe, focusing on the curve at the top rather than his own emotional well being.

“It...it was a one time thing. I’m sor- Should I not have slept with him? You just seemed okay with it.” Calum knows Luke is probably fiddling with the strings on his pant leg.

“It’s fine. None of my business.”

Luke lets out a humorless laugh, “Well, yeah, it kind of is. Your two best friends having sex is kind of your business.”

Calum pauses. That’s a new way to look at it.

“I won’t get mad if it happens again. It’s your decision.”

“Wait, you were mad?” Luke sounds shocked.

“Yeah...” Calum sits up on the bench. He thought he’d been pretty obvious. “That’s why I was in such a bad mood.”

“Cal...If I knew that was why I wouldn’t have slept with him. I didn’t realize. I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry, I really didn’t know. Shit.”

“It’s fine Luke. It’s your life.”

“Yeah but, it’s kind of yours too.” Luke’s voice is quiet over the phone and Calum reflexively goes to hit the volume buttons to make his voice louder.

Calum pauses. “If you and Harry both want a relationship or something, then it’s ok with me. Great actually.” Calum knows he’s lying through his teeth but he just wants to make things with Luke better and for Luke to not feel as guilty.

Luke lets out a sigh. “I don’t.” He takes a minute, heavier breaths coming through the line until he laughs a bit. “Only one guy I want and he’s not really ready yet.”

Calum’s throat goes dry. He doesn’t know who Luke is talking about. Have they really become so distant that Luke wouldn’t tell him about his crush? Calum was home for a month and Luke didn’t think to tell Calum anything?

“Who?”

“Uh-” Luke pauses. “I’m sorry Cal, but I really have to go. We’ll talk later? Yeah?”

“Sure. Bye Lukey.”

Calum hangs up the phone, not sure if he feels better or worse about the situation with Luke.

*********

Calum walks down the corridor to baggage claim in the Sydney airport. Everything looks familiar, he’s taken so many flights in and out of this airport he could probably get from customs to the parking lot blindfolded. But he doesn’t really want to miss anything.

It’s been a year and a half since he’s been home. He didn’t mean to be gone that long, it just happened. It took four months to write enough good tracks for Harry’s new album, then there was recording and finding new backing with the new sound, a little bit more punk rock rather than folk. Then had been promos and setting up tour dates, going on tour. And now, Calum is done. Harry’s taking a bit of a break to enjoy his family and Calum isn’t going back to LA for another month.

Calum’s afraid to see Luke. He hasn’t seen Luke since Christmas, Luke had come to visit him in England. They’d stayed at Harry’s London place while Harry went home. Calum had taken Luke to do as many stereotypical English Christmas things as possible, the best had been when Luke had fallen trying to ice skate. Just thinking about it brings a smile to Calum’s face.

But that was months ago. Every time Calum sees Luke, he’s slightly different. His style, hair, or body always change but Luke somehow stays the same. It’s Calum who’s the changing factor.

Calum recognizes Luke immediately. He’s wearing trousers and a button up shirt rolled to the elbows. Apparently he’s got some fancy job at a bank as a teller. Luke had said he’d be coming straight from work. Funny how Luke’s straight from work outfit includes Oakley sunglasses and a tie while Calum’s is normally a sweat soaked ripped T-shirt.

When Luke sees Calum, his face splits into a big smile, the black frames on his cheeks move. Luke’s hands are in his pockets as he walks over hesitantly to Calum.

“Hey.” Luke says as he pushes the sunglasses up onto his forehead.  

“Hey.” Calum runs a hand through the back of his hair, “I just have to get...’

Luke pulls him into a tight hug. Calum can feel the buttons of Luke’s shirt press into his body. Calum wraps his arms around Luke, pulling him closer if possible. They’ve known each other for almost two decades, Luke’s the most constant thing in Calum’s life. And the hug feels like all the thank yous Calum should’ve said to Luke.

Calum pulls back and looks at Luke’s face. Calum brings his hand up to Luke’s jaw and places the pad of his index finger over the dot where a gold hoop was the last time Calum saw him. “Where’s your lip ring?”

Luke shrugs. “I have to take it out for the job and one day I just forgot to put it back in so it closed up.”

Calum swipes his finger over the spot once more, crinkle in his eyebrows, before stopping. The ring had always been such a big part of Luke’s face, just as important as Luke’s eyes. Well, not as important, but still, big deal.

“Huh.”

“Come on, let’s get your bags. We’ve got catching up to do.” Luke keeps his arm around Calum’s shoulder as they walk to the luggage carousel. Calum brings his hand up to Luke’s waist. He loves coming home to this.

*********

A week into Calum's break, Luke takes him to a new bar. Neither of them is particularly interested in going to their old bar so they’ve tried finding a new one but the last few places have felt off. This new one seems promising, just opened a few blocks from Luke and a lot brighter than their’s used too. Luke goes to get drinks while Calum finds a good table.

Calum sits and looks to see if Luke has their beers yet but Calum sees Luke talking to someone. Luke’s turned to him, back to Calum so he can’t see Luke’s face but the other man’s face seems angry and upset. And it looks like he won’t let Luke leave, holding out a hand to grab Luke’s wrist when Luke tries to grab the bottles and turn away. Calum decides to investigate.

“Everything good babe?” Calum sidles up behind Luke, hand on Luke’s hip and chin on Luke’s shoulder. Luke’s face turns a bit toward him but it’s the man’s reaction that’s really shocking.

The man’s face kind of melts. The angry pinched look fades to calm, if not sad, but blank. “I knew it. I knew it would happen.”

“I’m so sorry.”

The man takes a breath. “Good bye Luke. Good luck.” And with that, the man walks away.

“Who was that?” Calum asks when Luke turns to face him.

“Old boyfriend.”

“What?” Calum’s taken aback. “Who?”

“You didn’t know about him.” Luke picks up their drinks and heads back to the table, Calum following behind.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Calum takes his seat and makes eye contact with Luke.

Luke looks off into space, lips parted like he’s about to say something. He takes his sweet time before answering. “It happened really fast.”

“How long were you together?”

“A few months.” Luke takes a sip of his beer, shrugging.

“Luke!”

“Fine. It started as a sex thing, really casual. He wanted to make it more than it was. We tried it for a bit, I broke it off, didn’t want anything that serious.” Luke is dissecting an entire relationship, his emotions, so clinically and Calum can’t believe he wasn’t there to help him through it.

“You could’ve told me. I would’ve been there for you.” Calum reaches out for Luke’s hand on the table.

“I didn’t need anyone to be there for me. It wasn’t a big deal.” Luke shrugs again.

“He seemed to think it was.” Calum points in the general direction of the bar, trying to get across his point. The man’s face had been so hurt.

“That’s...” Luke shakes his head. “It wasn’t that. He thought I was here trying to pick someone up, thinks it’s not healthy for me to have casual sex. He’s a psychologist.” Luke rolls his eyes.

Calum leans back. “Really? Thought that’s how most people did it now.”

Luke takes a breath. “Well, he thinks I use it as a coping mechanism because I’m in love with my best friend. Another big fight between us.” Luke focuses on his beer bottle, fingernails playing with the condensation on the bottle. Calum’s still holding his other hand.

“Oh.” Calum doesn’t move his hand.

“He said...” Luke begins and takes another breath, eyes flicking up to Calum’s momentarily. “He said I like casual sexual relationships because it keeps me emotionally available for... my best friend.” Luke’s voice cracks on the last word. He clears his throat and continues. “He said that it wasn’t good for me to keep waiting for someone, that I should try to start relationships with other people. Get over my best friend.”

Calum takes a breath. “And what did you say?”

“I asked if he got his psychology degree online. Told him the reason we weren’t working was because he was always psychoanalyzing me rather than just being there. Broke up with him.” Luke finally looks up smile on his lips.

Calum smiles shallowly in return. “When was this?” Calum’s expecting Luke to say years ago, hell, high school.

“About a month ago.” Luke’s smile is gone. “Not even.”

Calum strokes his thumb down Luke’s wrist. “Oh.”

“It’s crazy obviously.” Luke sits up a bit in his seat. “I’m not in love-” his voice cracks and he has to clear his throat again, not meeting Calum’s eyes. “I’m not in love with... my best friend.”

Calum nods his head before finally taking his hand off Luke’s. “Of course not.”

*****

It’s Calum’s last night in Sydney before he heads back to LA. As many other last nights, Calum decides to spend it with Luke. He grabs all his bags from his parent’s house and loads them into Luke’s car before they make their way to Luke’s apartment. Luke’s roommate, Ashton, is out for the week, vacationing somewhere.

They end up at their bar, the new one, only a few blocks away so they don’t need to drive. It’s crowded for a weekday night and they sit at the bar rather than at a table.

“I haven’t even asked you yet, what are you doing after this? I know you’re going to LA...” Luke and Calum are a few beers and shots into their night and Luke’s words stumble out of him.

“Liam and I are writing stock songs, you know, for anyone. Harry’s record company will buy them and offer them to artists. S’good pay actually. And my name will be attached to more names.”

Luke reaches out and puts his hand on Calum’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you, doing one of those jobs every kid dreams about but you’re actually doing it. And doing well. And you’re young.”

The bartender fills their shot glasses at Calum’s request. Calum raises his shot glass, Luke following suit. “To Harry Styles, for making me young and successful.” Luke laughs and half the liquid in each of the little glasses sloshes out when they clink together.  

“I’m going to the bathroom, be right back.” Luke wades through the crowds of people standing in clumps to head to the bathroom. Calum happily sips his beer for a few minutes waiting. He’s having a good time, last hurrah in Sydney for awhile. Calum’s pleasantly drunk, not so much that he needs someone else to help him walk but enough that everything feels a little hazy and he doesn’t have full control over his words. Perfect.

When it’s been a bit long for Luke to be gone, Calum looks towards the bathroom. His eyes catch on Luke, mid giggle, talking to a man. A handsome man. A man that if Calum were here alone tonight, he might try to hit on. But he’s not alone. And it’s totally not ok that this man is hitting on Luke.

Calum waits a bit, watching Luke interact with the man, then decides he’s had enough. It is his last night in town, not this random fella’s. Calum closes their tab and then goes over to Luke.

“Sorry to interrupt lads, but we’ve got to go.” Calum says to Luke. Luke looks puzzled but goes easily enough, following behind Calum, Calum’s hand on Luke’s wrist.

When they’re outside the bar, Luke pulls back. “Cal, the bill. We have to pay the tab.”

“I already did.” Calum just pulls Luke harder down the street.

“What was that about? He was cute. I could’ve at least gotten his number.”

Calum doesn’t know why he does it. He’s far too drunk to be able to do complicated body maneuvering. But somehow he pushes Luke, softly, against a building and cages him in with his body. Calum’s not touching him, his fingertips are hitting the brick wall behind Luke, near his waist. Luke, though, has somehow been caught with his hands against Calum’s chest, fingers pressing into Calum’s body.

Calum meets Luke’s eyes. Luke’s staring back, puzzled expression on his face. “I just...I don’t like the thought of you sleeping with other people.”

Calum pulls back, picking up his stride as he walks down the street, needing air that isn’t within an inch of Luke. He hears when Luke moves, a handful of seconds later.

“Wait! Calum,” Luke grabs his hand to stop him. “You said other people.”

Calum raises an eyebrow.

“Other people.” Luke lets go of Calum’s hand and instead holds onto Calum’s shoulder, thumb along the line of his collarbone. “You said other people. As opposed to who, Calum?” Luke’s eyes are wide and blue, he looks nervous. Calum doesn’t really have an answer to the question.

“I don’t know.” Calum breathes into the night air. They’ve walked far enough to see the park near Luke’s apartment only a block away. Calum heads in that direction, Luke at his heels. Calum turns to look at Luke over his shoulder and sees determination settle on Luke’s face.

“Calum.” Calum turns, right outside the gates to the park. Luke steps into his space. Luke’s hands come to rest on the sides of Calum’s face, pinkies’ touching his jawline and thumbs buried in his hair. Luke is inches away and looking the slightest bit down into Calum’s eyes.

“What if he was right? My ex.” Luke swallows and Calum tracks the movement with his eyes. “What if I’m having casual sex so I’m emotionally available? What if I’m in love with my best friend?” The words are whispered between them but they sound loud in Calum’s ears.

“But you’re not. You said...” Calum cuts off because of a look in Luke’s eye.

“What if he was right?” Calum can feel Luke’s breath on his cheeks and Calum’s hands come up to grasp Luke’s waist. There’s a tension between them, something Calum can almost touch, though he’d rather just be touching Luke.

Calum walks Luke backwards into the gate. The space between their bodies disappears until Calum’s forehead is against Luke’s and neither of them are making a move one way or the other. Calum is brought back to the last time Luke kissed him, how he’d been motionless and Luke had been hurt. And Calum realizes if he goes any further he’ll just hurt Luke again.

“Shit.” Calum says and pulls away, heading past the gate into the park. “We’re too drunk for this conversation.”

“No!” Luke calls after him, following. “It’s perfect, we can just say what we need to, no filters.”

“Fine, I’m leaving tomorrow.” Luke pauses on his way to meet Calum on the path. The small smile on Luke’s face vanishes. “I’m getting on a plane to LA tomorrow, no matter what. And then probably New York after that. Maybe London. Maybe Rome. But I’m definitely leaving.” Calum’s voice is sad as he says it, but firm, trying to make Luke understand. Instead Luke reaches forward and kisses him.

The kiss is relatively sweet compared to the force Luke uses to pull Calum to him. This time Calum kisses back, meeting Luke in a soft kiss.

It’s Luke who pulls away first, just enough air to breathe. “You can write here?”

Calum untangles their bodies. “You know that’s not how it works for me.”

“Oh yeah.” Luke’s face hardens, “You have to look for your something.”

“Don’t say it like that. You know how hard it is for me-”

“How hard it is for you to constantly be traveling with a major celebrity?” Luke’s arms are crossed over his chest. “You’re constantly looking for something, but you never look where you are. Why can’t you find that here?”

Calum’s angry now too. “It isn’t here. I think I’d know that by now. Sydney is just a pit stop for me. I can’t settle down here.”

“A pit stop? You’re home, you’re family, me, we’re a pit stop? Thanks. The rest of us will just be here, waiting for you to come back from your little adventures and then leave us again.”

“What do you want me to do Luke? You don’t have to wait for me, I didn’t ask you to be emotionally unavailable or whatever that shit was. That’s your choice. But I have to make mine. And tomorrow I’m going to LA.” Calum starts walking through the park in the direction of Luke’s apartment.  He doesn’t hear any other footfalls behind him so he turns to see if Luke is following.

Luke looks so small on the path. He’s got one arm around his stomach and one in his hair. He’s biting his lip, eyes shining in the darkness from the street lamp a few feet away. It breaks Calum’s heart a bit. Luke looks up when he hears Calum stop.

“Cal...”

“What Luke?” Calum just wants to get on a plane and fly away. He could’ve chosen to spend his last night with his family, he had picked Luke and this is what happens.

“Can you just...” Both Luke’s hands are in his hair now, tugging sharply before they finally settle at his sides. “I’ve never asked you before Cal. I never...I knew you would if I asked and I’ve never asked because I want you to be happy, but I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.” Calum knows what he’s going to say before the words tumble out. “Stay. Please Calum. Just this time, stay. With me. Please.”

Calum watches Luke. Luke’s vulnerable, asking for what he wants. And Calum can’t give it to him. He can’t. Just being home the itch is back under his skin, he needs to get out. It’s clawing up his arms, telling him _there’s more to see, there’s more to do, you might find it_. And tomorrow, Calum is going to be selfish. He’s going to get on a plane to LA and sleep on Liam’s couch for a week before they decide which city they want to go too. Maybe he’ll finally find what he’s looking for then, just maybe he’ll be able to stop searching.

But right now, Calum’s too emotional and he’s not thinking straight. And Luke is beautiful and tall. The moon lets out a soft light around Luke’s features and Calum wants to kiss him again. Calum wants to know what it’d be like to fall asleep next to Luke, not innocently like they did when they were children, on an air mattress in their old shed and two sleeping bags laid out like a sheet and a blanket smelling like mildew. No, Calum wants to wrap up in Luke, clothes scattered around the flat that was supposed to be theirs. Calum wants to know if Luke’s heart keeps the same beat it had when they were seven, twelve, sixteen. So Calum takes the few steps back into Luke’s space and kisses him again.

They run the few streets back to Luke’s apartment, occasionally stopping to throw each other against storefronts where the mannequins watch them laugh into kisses and grip each other’s hands like it’s the last link between them now and the years of friendship. Luke fumbles a key in the door as Calum tries sucking marks into the back of Luke’s neck. Souvenirs.

When they’re naked, clambering onto the bed, reaching for each other, still laughing, Calum tells Luke to get on his hands and knees. Calum can’t look Luke in the eye. The voice in his head is telling him he’s leaving in the morning. This is once, they’re doing this once and Calum’s leaving and he knows he’s terrible because Luke thinks he’s staying. As Calum buries his face in Luke’s shoulder blades, biting where he can, he hears Luke’s mutterings under his breath. _Love you Cal, always have, wanted this so much, love you_. Calum tries to convince himself Luke is drunker than Calum thought, the words aren’t true. They aren’t. He drowns out Luke’s words with a mantra of once and his boarding time in the morning. Because he’s leaving in the morning. No matter how hard Luke kisses him when they fall into each other. No matter how tightly Luke pulls him to his chest as they fall sleep. No matter what.

The next morning, Calum leaves a note scribbled on the back of a receipt. _I’m so sorry, You know I can’t_. He grabs his clothes and dresses in the front room, grabs his bags and leaves. He makes his flight with twenty minutes to spare.

When Calum lands in LA, he checks his phone. No texts from Luke. Calum hadn’t expected one but is still a little startled there’s not one there. Calum shoves his phone in his pocket, grabs his carry on, and goes to find Liam in the rush of people at the Arrival’s gate.

*****

There’s a knock on the door. “What?”

“Calum?”

“Mrph.” Calum is asleep. He might be able to hear Liam and respond but he is most definitely asleep. The bed is too comfy and he’s hungover so he’s asleep.

“It’s three Calum, there’s no way you’re still asleep.” Liam opens the door and Calum hears him step into the room.

“My internal body clock is off.” Calum mumbles into the pillow.

“We’ve been in New York for two months now, I’m pretty sure you’ve adjusted.” Calum slowly opens an eye and sees Liam sitting in the chair near the closet. Harry offered his New York apartment for them to stay in while they wrote. It’s a nice apartment, smaller than his other properties. At least, the ones Calum has been too.

Harry’s a bit like Calum, doesn’t like being in one place for too long. The big difference is that Harry plants roots everywhere, a place to call home in four different continents. This apartment is the perfect place for Harry when he wants to meet up with his New York arts crowd for awhile. And it’s been serving Calum and Liam well.

“You said we’d try writing today.” Liam’s watching Calum try and get up. Calum definitely shouldn’t have had those last few shots the night before. Well, morning.

“We still can. Just give me a minute.” Calum goes to find some clothes while Liam just watches him. “What?”

Liam looks uncomfortable. “You’ve been writing some pretty...different stuff lately.” Liam drums his fingers on his thigh. He’s looking at Calum like Calum is hiding something. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“What do you mean I’ve been writing different stuff?” Calum pulls a shirt over his head. He had picked it up quickly, not looking. It’s not until he turns to the mirror that Calum realizes it’s one of Luke’s shirts that somehow became his. Calum was positive he got rid of all of them in LA. Calum rips the shirt off over his head and finds another.  

“Like that.” Liam is sitting forward. “What’s wrong with the shirt?”

“What?”

“You just threw it like it was on fire. Did it offend you or something?” Liam’s not trying to pick at Calum’s scabs, just curious and trying to help. Calum stares at the shirt on the floor, crumpled at the end of the bed.

“It’s Luke’s.” Calum mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to fix the poof.

“Luke?” Calum sees Liam in the mirror. Liam sits up straight when he speaks and Calum sees the confusion on his face.

“Yeah, Luke.” Calum puts his hand on the dresser of front of him and sighs. “He’s someone I know in Sydney.”

“I know who Luke is.” Liam stands and walks to stand next to Calum. “And since when is he ‘someone you know in Sydney?’”

Calum shrugs. “We haven’t talked in awhile.”

“What do you mean you haven’t talked in awhile? Since when?”

Calum takes a deep breath. Liam is leaning on the dresser next to him, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. “Since I left.”

“LA?”

“Sydney.”

Liam’s jaw drops. “Calum, that’s five months.”

Calum turns away, he can’t look at Liam right now. “Yeah, it is.”

“Is this...what happened?”

“Can we not talk about this?!” Calum shouts from the doorway, heading toward the kitchen for some coffee. Liam follows.

“No! Calum, all you can write about now is heartbreak. Half the stuff is about someone leaving someone. Did Luke... did he leave you? I didn’t even realize you guys were together...”

Liam sits down next to Calum at the breakfast bar. Calum’s head is in his hands. He has a splitting headache and everything in the room feels like it’s spinning too fast.

“He didn’t leave me.” Calum spits. “I’m the one on the opposite side of the world.”

Liam lets that set for a second. “What happened?”

Calum looks up into Liam’s face. He’s a good friend, happy and always trying to help out. Maybe talking to Liam will help. “I don’t even know. We slept together?”

“Ok...” Liam’s nodding his head, waiting for Calum to continue.

Calum takes in another breath. “He wanted me to stay and I left. Put a note on his pillow.”

Liam leans back at that. “Calum that doesn’t sound like you.”

“Well, I did it, so it doesn’t matter what it sounds like, it happened. And we haven’t spoken since.”

Liam’s nodding. “Why don’t you call him? Apologize, you guys can figure it out.”

Calum’s face hardens, “Liam, I fucked him and left him after he said...he told me he loved me. That’s not something fixable.”

Liam’s mouth flattens into a line. “I don’t believe that.”

Calum looks down at his hands. They seem foreign to him, the hands can’t be his yet they are. When did his fingers get that thin?

“Let’s write.”

“Calum-”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to write crappy love songs about being left and hope that he’s over this, at least better than I am.”

“Did you love him?” Liam says as Calum goes to pour a cup of coffee.

Calum pauses. It’s not something he’s thought about a lot because of course he loved Luke. He spent his entire childhood within five feet of Luke and his entire adult life in constant contact. It’s crazy, even the thought that he hasn’t talked to Luke in months. Luke’s always been a constant in his life. Of course he loves Luke. But could he marry Luke? Fall asleep next to him every night? Hold his hand? It hurts to think about because Calum knows it would be all too easy.

“I’m going to go write something. At least a melody. To feel a little productive.” Calum walks to the room they keep the instruments in and Liam doesn’t follow.

*********

It looks so familiar. It always does. Except this time his mom isn’t waiting, and neither is Luke. This time, when Calum reaches the baggage claim area, he grabs his one suitcase and heads toward the line of taxis.

*****

Luke’s car is in one of his apartments designated spots. It’s been 18 months since Calum was here last. Of course Luke hasn’t moved. He’s not like Calum, who for the better part of a year couldn’t even look at something that reminded him of Luke without needing to leave the room. Luke probably still sleeps in the same bed they shared.

Calum walks into the complex behind a woman, holding the door for her and flashing a smile. He walks up the stairs to Luke’s flat and knocks. Calum puts his hands in his pocket, waiting and nervous.

It had been Harry’s idea to come unannounced. When Calum had confessed to wanting to go back, Harry had said he had to do the romantic thing and just show up at Luke’s doorstep. A text wasn’t appropriate after so long and Calum would probably just hang up from nerves if he heard Luke’s voice on the other end of a phone call. So, showing up at his door was the solution.

Calum hears laughter on the other side of the door. “Are you serious?” It’s definitely not Luke’s voice behind the door as it opens. “Hey mate, what can I do for you.”

A man is standing in the doorway. It’s not Luke. Calum really doesn’t have a back up, so he kind of just gapes. The man has curly hair and a wide smile. He’s not rushing Calum at all, just waiting. But then his face starts to shift.

“Do I know you?” the man crosses his arms, face in thought, “You look familiar.”

“Uh...no. We haven’t met. Does Luke live here?” Calum rocks on his feet, losing a bit of his nerve.

“Yeah, wait a second.” The man leans back and calls into the apartment. “Lucas! Man at the door for you!”

“Give me a second!” Is the call from in the apartment. Calum freezes, wondering if he should just quit while he still can.  

The man at the door extends his hand. “Ashton. Nice to meet you.”

Calum gives the hand a shake, Ashton’s grip firm. So he’s the roommate. “Calum.”

Ashton’s face clouds. “Did you say Calum?”

“Calum?” Luke’s standing behind Ashton, wiping his hands on a dishtowel.

Calum smiles up at Luke, just a small little thing. “Hey Lukey.”

“Well shit.” Ashton breathes out. Luke’s stuck like a deer in headlights, mouth open and face blank.

Calum clears his throat and addresses Ashton, “Can I come in?”

Ashton lifts his head and hardens his gaze. “I don’t know. It’s up to Luke.”

“Let him in.” Luke speaks. “And Ash, it might be a good time for you do the grocery shopping.” Luke makes eye contact with Ashton and Ashton takes a step in his direction.

“Luke...”

“Please?” Luke looks small, curled into himself. “I can handle this.”

Ashton sighs and squeezes Luke’s shoulder. “If you need me, call, ok?”

Luke nods his head and Ashton turns away reluctantly. He grabs his wallet and phone off a counter top and heads out the door of the apartment so it’s just Calum and Luke left.

“Hey.” Calum says as he takes another step into the apartment.

“What are you doing here?” Luke doesn’t look him in the eye, opting to watch the corner of his couch.

Calum shrugs, “Apologizing.” Luke looks up at that so Calum continues. “I’m so sorry Lukey. I’m so sorry.” His voice chokes up a bit. “I was so stupid. I’m sorry.”

“For fucking me or leaving me?” Luke says it nonchalantly, like asking if Calum wants white or red wine.

Calum tries to answer but stops himself. Neither really. He doesn’t regret sleeping with Luke and he’s not sorry for leaving. “For not telling you I was still leaving before we...”

“Fucked. Before we fucked.” Luke’s eyes are softer, sad.

“Luke.” He doesn’t like how Luke’ saying it so crassly, like it meant nothing. It obviously meant something.

“No Calum, stop. I’m still not ok with what happened and you being here isn’t helping.” Luke takes a step back, arms out as if to defend himself from Calum.

“I’m sorry. I know I messed up but we’ve been friends all our lives Luke. You can’t just see me as one huge mistake when we both know it’s about so much more. That was just one night out of thousands I didn’t mess up.” Calum’s walking forward towards Luke, leaning against the counter separating the living spaces. Calum had found his shirt there the morning after....Calum blinks the thought away as he continues. “Come on Luke, we’ve been through everything together. Doesn’t the rest of it count for anything?”

Luke shifts uncomfortably. “I was so convinced that if I had ever asked you to stay, you would’ve. Like that summer you went to camp, I didn’t want you to go and I thought if I asked you to stay you would’ve but I don’t know anymore because you left when I asked. It makes all those other years seem like a lie.”

Calum stills, “I would’ve stayed. That summer if you had asked. And then I never would’ve left. That’s when it all started, the needing to get out.”

“Oh so it’s my fault now?”

“No! Luke. I bought you a birthday present last year. We hadn’t spoken in months and all I could see whenever I went out was different gift ideas so I bought you one. And it’s perfect. Because I know you and you know me. That’s who we are.”

“What is this?” Luke suddenly turns his face to meet Calum’s eyes. “Are you trying to be my friend again or...something else. What are you hoping to get out of this?”

Best case scenario, Calum was going for a cuddle. But that didn’t seem like it was going to happen. “Whatever you want. Friends is great, I’d be up for more. But mostly I just want you to forgive me.”

Luke’s forehead is in his palm, “I forgive you. Now will you go?”

“Luke-”

“I’m with Ashton.” Calum stops where his hand had been reaching to touch Luke’s shoulder where Ashton had.

“What?”

Luke shrugs, “We’re good together. We laugh a lot. It’s not really fair to him if we get back to what we were.”

“Why?”

“Calum, I was in love with you for years. I still am a bit. But I love Ashton now too, and he’s good to me. We live together.” Luke motions around at the apartment.

“You’re choosing him over me?”

“No, that’s not fair Calum. You chose a city over me. I’m just choosing not to be left behind for months at a time waiting for you to come back. Ashton just happens to be a nice guy who loves me enough to stay.”

Their voices have raised progressively and now Calum’s done with this. Not Luke, but listening to this. Calum steps back from the kitchen and heads to the door. His hand is on the door knob when he turns back to Luke.

“I’m looking for an apartment here. Lease and all.” Calum walks out the door before he can register Luke’s expression.

*****

The first time Calum sees Luke after that is unplanned. It’s two weeks later, no phone calls and Calum decided to respect Luke’s wishes so he hadn’t tried to track him down. Instead, he’d focused on finding an apartment and moving all his stuff in. After a long day of unpacking, Calum decided to get pizza at one of his and Luke’s favorite places.

When Calum walks into the shop, he immediately sees Luke and Ashton at one of the bistro tables in the front. Calum doesn’t know what he would’ve done if they’d been sitting at the broken booth in the back that he and Luke had always sat at.

Calum waves and Luke blinks before smiling a small little twist of lips. Calum walks to the counter to pick up his order, paying in cash, and then walking over to their table.

“Hey guys.” Calum goes for friendly and thinks he lands near tired.

“Hi Calum.” Ashton is smiling but there’s a sharp edge to it, a nervousness.

“Hey Cal.” Luke, on the other hand, is trying to stop a grin. Luke’s hiding a smile and Ashton’s forcing one. Huh. “Did you find an apartment yet?”’

“Uh, yeah.” Calum runs a hand through his hair, straightening the ends with his fingertips. “It’s not far from here. Just finished moving in.”

Ashton’s eyes widen. “You bought a place here?”

Calum nods. “Felt it was time to have a home of my own, rather than borrowing other people’s.”

Ashton blinks up at Calum a few times before turning to Luke. Luke is staring down at his pizza, picking at the crust.

“Well, I better go.” Calum recognizes when he’s not wanted. “See you arou- I mean, bye.” Calum awkwardly shakes his hand a bit before leaving the pizzeria and walking down the street to his new place.

*****

The third time Calum sees Luke after being in Sydney is a month later. Calum goes to a bar down the street, trying to meet new people.

It’s not that Calum doesn’t know anyone in Australia. He just had drinks with Mikey a few days ago. And he’s meeting people at his ‘job’ writing and playing backing for artists at a local division of a major recording studio. Calum likes it fine, it’s nice being able to sleep a solid eight to ten hours a night with weekends off.

But Calum wants friends. He wants people who he can call up to hang out with like he did with all the boys on tour, just sitting about and enjoying each other’s company. Truthfully, Calum misses Harry, Liam, and Zayn, who he hasn’t seen since his wedding. The fact that he doesn’t have anyone like that here is a painful reminder of how much of his time in Australia Calum spent with Luke. Calum didn’t need friends when he was home because he wanted to spend every minute with Luke, making up for missed birthdays and promotions.

Calum walks into the small bar down the street. It’s decently crowded, he has to weave through people to get to the bar. He’s nursing a whiskey, trying to appear cultured, when he feels someone bump his side.

Luke’s leaning against the bar, eyes lidded and posture loose. His hair is styled and his clothing is tight. In fact, if Calum were to guess, he’d say that Luke is trying to score.

“Hey.” Calum says, setting his glass on the counter.

“Hi Cal.” Luke dips in a bit, definitely well on his way to drunk.

Luke doesn’t really say anything after that, seeming to be waiting for Calum to speak. So Calum does, “Is Ashton here?”

Luke shakes his head but smiles. “We broke up.”

Calum’s not as shocked as he should be. “I’m sorry.”

Luke stares for a second, eyes searching, “Are you?”

“Of course. What happened?” Calum takes a long sip of his whiskey. Luke laughs a bit.

“He was sick of coming in second to a memory.” Luke says it plainly, turning to Calum on the last word. He must be really drunk. “Especially when the memory moved back to town.” Calum wants to say something but Luke continues, “Apparently I should’ve told him you were moving back. It was the last straw really. We weren’t going to work out long term anyways.” Luke stares bitterly at his beer bottle.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Calum says, not sure if he can bring his hand up to Luke’s neck and rub some of the stress out or if that would be crossing a boundary.

“Thanks. So, I’m back to casual sex and being emotionally unavailable.” Luke takes a sip of his beer, like it’s business as usual.

“Luke...” Calum starts, concerned. But Luke cuts him off.

“What?” Luke turns and his eyes are suddenly bright and face angry. “What Calum?”

“Is that really the healthiest way to handle a breakup?” Calum ends, taking a risk and resting a hand on Luke’s back, just below his shoulder blade. Luke turns back to the bar and his beer bottle.

“I’m just so sick of people leaving me.” He doesn’t say it biting or to hurt. Luke says it because it’s how he feels and Calum’s heart is crushed just knowing he had a hand in making Luke feel that way. “Am I not worth staying for?”

“Of course you are.” Calum’s talking before he realizes what he’s saying. And Calum’s moved closer to Luke so that his arm is wrapping around Luke’s body and his face is close to Luke’s, forehead almost touching Luke’s temple. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”

Luke takes a shaky breath. “I’m afraid I won’t know how to love anyone other than you.” Calum pulls him in tighter.

“Let’s get you home.” Calum pays his tab and walks Luke back to his apartment.

Calum opens Luke’s door and brings him inside. Luke wouldn’t talk the walk back, kept his arms crossed and looked to the opposite side from Calum. Calum reached out every so often when Luke looked like he might trip or fall. Calum pulls Luke over the threshold and pushes Luke in the direction of his bedroom. Luke goes, slowly, feet dragging. Calum gets him a glass of water and searches through the cupboards for pain relievers.

Calum walks back to Luke’s room, water in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. Luke is lying in his bed, jeans and shoes tossed aside and covers pulled up to his chin, asleep. Calum places the glass and pills on the bedside table and turns to go.

Calum pauses in the front hall. Should he stay? Should he try to prove to Luke he knows how not to leave? But Luke didn’t ask. Calum could sleep on the couch, Luke probably wouldn’t be too mad in the morning. Calum’s never slept in the same place as Luke without sharing a bed.

Calum puts his head in his hands, trying to figure out what to do. Luke didn’t ask him to stay. Luke could barely look at him when they walked home. But Calum doesn’t want to only see Luke again when they run into each other.

Calum decides to leave a note. Not on a receipt and not an apology. He finds a post it pad in one of Luke’s kitchen drawers. He writes a place, the name of a cafe not far, and a time as well as a _see you there?_ He posts it on Luke’s bedroom lamp, tiptoeing in before leaving the apartment and locking the door.

*****

“Nice sunglasses.” Calum smiles over the brim of his coffee cup. The cafe is the kind that refuses to serve beverages in to go cups, you sit and enjoy your drink or you don’t drink it at all.

Luke smirks, “Thanks. Can everyone tell I’m hungover?”

Calum looks at Luke. His clothing all matches. His hair is a bit flat and he’s clean shaven. “You’re fine.”

“I’m going to be honest and say I don’t remember much about last night.” Luke leans back, mug in hand. Calum’s still a little shocked he actually showed up. “Thanks for getting me home.”

“What are friends for?” Calum smiles as he sips another bit of his coffee. He doesn’t miss the grin on Luke’s face either.

“Where are you working?”

“Record label downtown. I’m doing track backing and song writing for them. Signed a contract and everything.”

“Hmm.” Luke takes off his sunglasses. He honestly doesn’t look that bad. His eyes are a little puffy but other than that no one would know that he was falling over his own feet the night before. Luke watches Calum. “You’re serious then? You’re staying? For real?”

Calum sighs. “Look, Luke. I’m trying not to make promises I can’t keep. I‘m staying for at least a year, but I’ll probably try and visit Harry and Zayn in London during that time. And when Harry wants to tour again, if he offers me the spot, I’ll go. I like going on tour, I like traveling. But I can promise I’ll come home. That here will be a priority not a pit stop. And you’re always welcome to come with me.”

“Do a lot of celebrities just tote their friends along with them when they travel.” Luke tries to make it a joke but Calum hears something in it. Luke is asking what they’re doing. And honestly, Calum doesn’t know.

“No, but some spouses toured with us.” Calum looks into his coffee cup as he says it.

“Am I your spouse now?” Luke’s tone a bit sharper.

Calum holds eye contact with Luke. “I don’t know Luke. We obviously have unresolved stuff that we never really gave a shot. And I’m here now, and I want to try something. If that’s too much for you, I can do friends. But I don’t think we were ever really just friends to begin with.”

Luke bites his lip nervously, tongue looking for the lip ring. After a few moments of concentration, Luke nods. “Ok. Let’s try something then.”

*****

It happens a few weeks later. Dating had been odd for Luke and Calum, giving each other a wide berth of space every time they went out, flinching away if their hands touched. But one night Luke shows up at Calum’s too late to make their reservation and they decide to order in rather than try to find a place. They sit on the couch and watch a movie on opposites sides, a huge space in between them.

Up until that point, Calum had kind of doubted it was going to work. He and Luke trying to make something they had into more just wasn’t right for them. It’d been so much easier just pretending they were just friends for decades.

But then Luke slides closer to Calum, putting his legs up on the space in between them. His toes touch Calum’s thigh and Calum startles. This is how Luke watches movies except, usually, if Calum is there, Calum’ll be lying on top of Luke cuddled in close. Calum misses it, the closeness they use to share. It’s all he really knew for so long.

So Calum takes it as an invitation. He climbs on top of Luke and moves until he’s comfortable, head on Luke’s chest and arms around his waist. Luke brings his hands around  to Calum’s hips.

“Much better.” Calum mumbles into Luke’s chest. Luke drops a kiss onto Calum’s hair. Yes, much better.

 

******  
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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> And thank you if you have ever kudosed/commented on any of my works or anyone else's. I'm so bad at it and the fact that you have shows good character. So kudos on your life style choices!
> 
> My tumblr is emmybazy.tumblr.com, hope you have a splendid day!


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